Divinely simple

Ok, ok I know I haven't blogged in a while, I know! So much has happened in the last few months I could barely catch my breath! The last few months have been filled to the brim with some really high highs and some very big lows for us. Once again, at the center of it all, was my Lord, He was teaching me so many important lessons in this season. One I learned today.

Recently two wonderful kids, that we had the sheer pleasure of having in our home for nearly 14 months, went home. Their leaving rocked my world, and I am still feeling the after shocks. Everyday is a constant reminder of the hole they left in our home. This one is going to take a while to heal from. Besides the obvious loss, we also have decided to take a step back from fostering for a while possibly permanently because this return was particularly hard on Raelynn and we felt God calling us somewhere else. This too has been a struggle for me. Although, it is nice to focus on our family, fostering has become such a part of me in so many ways. I have been feeling without a purpose. Searching for some sort of a calling that would be as defined as fostering was.
Well, today I was talking about this with a dear, dear friend who reminded me that motherhood was one of the greatest callings one could have. She asked me if I had ever thought if my calling right now was to simply focus on my family and have a season of rest. Still, I thought this paled in comparison to the ministry I had been blessed to be a part of before. (I know I am stubborn!)
I went on and had a doctors appointment with Keli. It was the best report yet. He was very pleased with her progress and could see great things in her future. On the way home it clicked! I am a part of something amazing! So much bigger than anything else I have ever done in my walk with Christ. My kids, and my family! The odds that have been beaten and hurdles we have over come are all due to the grace, love and mercy my God has given. None of this would have been possible outside of Him. I have been charged with a huge calling to make sure I "teach them in the way they should go"(proverbs 22:6)to share our testimony. And so once again I feel like a mama with a mission!

Keli belly

In case I haven't said it recently I hate Cerebral Palsy!!!!!

The last couple weeks have test me to the max. Keli has been taking phenobarbital since she was born for her seizures. Phenobarbital is a very strong narcotic drug. About a month ago we started to wean her off of this drug because usage past age two is not good for her. This drug is very effective but has a great number of side effects. Well weaning her off this drug is like taking a heroin addict's heroin away. She is very addicted to it. To make matters worse you add in Cerebral palsy and it is a recipe for lots of miserable days and sleepless nights. One of the fun things about CP is that anything can trigger a "flare up" and then it become this terrible snowball effect.

So now that I have explain the mechanics of our present situation let me explain my feelings. I am so frustrated and tried. It constantly feels like 2 steps forward and 20 back. It is such a helpless feeling to see your baby in so much pain and discomfort and not be able to fix it. I once had someone tell me that I make raising a special needs child look easy- what a joke! I am human and I reach my breaking point nearly everyday. I am constantly on the verge of tears and sometimes I just can hold back.

What keeps me going and holds me back from the deep end? First and formost my faith in the Lord and that He will supply me with the strength to make it though another day. Secondly, Keli, if that little girl can endure all of this and still have a smile on her face I can keeping plugging along too. If you want to know the truth Cody and I are positive that we have been charged with a very special task of caring for a someone one that is so special words can't describe. Her purity and sweet spirit never cease to amaze me.

Today was Keli's dedication. Found it such perfect timing that during this time of struggle I am dedicating myself to raising Keli in a the ways of the Lord. Also found it ironic cause most of the time I truly feel as if Keli is constantly teaching me more profound lessons than I could every teach her.

Keli I love you with every fiber of my being and just hope that I can be the Mom to you that God wants me to be.

faith

Ok so I know it has been awhile. Let me explain, my computer has been down and life has gotten so crazy! By the way please forgive any grammatical errors as I am writing this on my wee little phone in the middle of the night because I so need to share this right now. One thing I will not apologize for is the context of which I am writing. I am overwhelmed with the need to write this. So there is my disclaimer.
I have recently been slapped in the face with conviction, which as stubborn as I am, is usually how it has to happen. Buckle in cause here it goes-I have been guilty of making excuses for my faith. I have been guilty of avoiding the subject with certain people like one would avoid talking politics in certain company. I have been guilty of fearing judgements because of my believes. And last but not least I have been guilty of not sharing the gospel when given every opportunity to do so.
I know I am not alone in the guilty of this. I know many people do the same thing daily weather they are aware or not. Again God has so lovingly but justly corrected me in this. I have come to realize how dangerous it can be to not 100% of the time wear my faith like a banner and take every opportunity given to spread the news.
So as for me, I am making no more excuses. I am going to work hard at taking every opportunity given. I will wave the banner of truth proudly. Cause after all we are in a battle here and I am in the Lords army!

being mom

Lately there has been a lot of posts on facebook like if your a mom put the time and weight of your child, and "I have carried a life inside of me" and on and on. Don't get me wrong these are totally awesome and amazing however they got me to thinking what really makes someone a mom. I am not doubting my validity as a mother, or anyone elses, just got me to thinking about my own processes in which I became one. I feel so blessed that I became a mom in the way that I did. I would not change it for the world although I would be completely lying if I told you that I don't wonder sometimes what it would be like to take that first positive pregnancy test, or feel the first kick, or know what its like to breast feed. But my journey has not been so different. In fact there are so many similarities I decided to write "Being Mom". sorry if you don't like it I wrote it for my girls and me just thought I would share!

Being Mom
Conception- I cannot remember the day you were conceived but I remember the day we got the call and how long we waited for that day.
First picture- I don't remember your first sonogram (if you even had one)but I remember the first time I saw your picture with a note attached that said "It's a girl", oh how I knew I loved you and we cried for hours.
Pregnancy- I don't know what it was like to carry you for 9 months, oh but I remember the wait and anticipation and longing to bring you home.
Body Changes- I don't remember stretch marks or hormones, but I remember the worry lines and gray hairs and oh yeah plenty of heartburn.
Labor- I don't remember how long or hard it was to bring you into the world, but I remember how long and hard it was to fill out all those papers and have home inspection after home inspection, interview after interview, background check after background check to determine if we would make good parents (and yes it was painful).
Birth-I don't remember what your first cry sounded like or what you looked like those first moments but I remember what my heart felt the first time you were put in my arms and someone told me you were mine.
First homecoming- I don't remember taking you home from the hospital for the first time but I remember the first time you came home we couldn't quit staring at you like you would disappear if we blinked.

I loved you before I even knew you and more everyday. There is no limits to my love for you. God choose you for me and me for you and that my child is what makes me a mother!

understanding

Today I am at a lost. When things happen that we don't understand it can truly shake you to your core. I have learned that a day will come when you sit back and say "oh that was the purpose" or "that happened because". Some of those moments will not come till we are threw with this world. Even in all our faith and all our trust in knowing God has a plan it doesn't make some pills any easier to swallow. As I sit greiving with some dear friends I know God is here. If nothing else I know He is here.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding" Proverbs 3:5

refreshed

So keeping with my self commitment to blog here I am. At first when I started blogging I thought this is more for me, kinda a medium in which to express my feelings and put them out there. Putting my feelings out there is so therapeutic for me so that I can't hide from them and pretend everything is hunky dorie fudge. Well then it quickly became I was hiding from the blog all together. However a friend pointed something very interesting out to me. On the dashboard of my blog there is a cool little button that says "stats". Such a harmless looking little button, till I realized people outside of my personal little community read this crazy little rant of mine. Well I hope that what they find here in my corner of the worldwide web is that the rain comes and the struggles they are plenty but as hard as it is sometimes I will lift my head and praise God for walking with me in the storm. Stay tuned for more adventures at the Moore's- they are always plentiful!

its been a while!

Well, it has been awhile since I blogged. Sorry about that! I guess in the long list of crazy things that happen to the Moore's you can add being robbed! They took my laptop and I just now got around to replacing it! As one of my best friends Tiffany said "only the Moore's"! Any who, heres what's new for us! We are currently working on Keli's adoption and ready to get that done! The boy child did return home with little word on his progress but I know he is safe. Well, to say the least with adopting a medically fragile child our thinking towards the future is evolving. There are new things on our horizon all which are exciting and scary all at the sametime! Just in prayer mode right now on how this is all going to come together. I am trusting God and why not look at all the amazing things He has done in my life so far! Well friends I will try to get better about blogging now that I have a puter again! Love you all!!!!

three

Word of warning this blog post is going to get pretty sappy! Don't say I didn't warn you!!!!
Well tomorrow my baby is turning three! I can't believe how time flies! Its also a dual celebration for us cause it is also two years ago on her first birthday that we met Gina and Paul in the parking lot of the Vernon walmart and took our baby home forever! What an amazing thing that God chose us to be her parents! So amazing to me that this precious girl started her life in a random utility shed where she was born, to the loving home of Daugherty's and then into our lives forever!!! Raelynn we love you forever and more everyday!!! Happy birthday my baby girl!!!!

"preschool"

Well the latest adventure has me racking my brain day and night. I have been researching like crazy and blog stalking to boot! My latest adventure has me trying my hand at "home preschooling". I have been trying to find ways to fill our days with fun but educational activities. Wow who knew there is so many great ideas out there! I just can't believe how creative some people are! So stay tuned for some of our crazy adventures in "home preschool". I am sure with Raelynn this is going to get interesting to say the least!!!!

my foster parent prayer

So today was a rough day. I took the kids to their first visit at their mom's house. It made the whole returning home process real for me. Then I remembered why we do this, for those precious babies. Our mission statement for this calling is to show every child in our home unconditional love, God's love, even if it is only for a day. So I pray this never gets easy. I pray I never harden myself to the pain of letting them go. If I don't get my heart broke every time then I am not fully loving these kids with my whole heart and they deserve to have every part of me! Not to mention if I closed myself off I would miss the best part of it all which is the precious innocent love I get in return! Thank you God for giving me tons of tiny footprints on my heart!

puzzles

Well big changes are coming to the Moore house that's for sure! We are going to be working on getting two of our kids back home. At first my thought was "noooooooooo". Then sadness. Then anger. Then I got smart and did what I should have done to start with, I prayed. God showed me two things that I had been missing. 1. Why would I not want their mother to get better and be responsible? Why was I only expecting the worst from her? Well the answer is it is very hard to forgive her for the things she has done. It makes things simpler to think that she can't change and care for her babies. How sad the world would be if Jesus found it too hard to forgive us and thought that we were all too far gone to change. Wow! I would be in a lot of trouble right now if he hadn't forgiven me. So with His help I can find forgiveness for her, cause after all "there by the Grace of God go I". She deserves the same second chance I got when He wipe clean my past and how else is she going to know this possible unless someone shows her Christ-like love. Which leads me to point 2. God showed me he has called me not only to witness to children in my home but also the parents that have fallen by the wayside. Due to the process in returning the children it is necessary for me to spend a lot of time with this momma one on one. That equals lots of time to plant a seed. Why have I forgotten this is my responsibility as a christian? Ok God got the message! (once again in a big flashing neon sign) So I am going to suck it up and help repair a family that might have a chance at change. An awesome family member reminded me of an analogy that Priscilla Shire uses. She talks about how life is like a puzzle and when we dump the pieces out in the floor we can try to put them back together but unless you know what the picture looks like we can't put the puzzle together. God is the only one that knows what the final picture is suppose to look like. So we shouldn't try so hard to put thing where we think they should go and let God do it cause He knows how it will all fit together in the end!

control

Hi guys its me again! This morning I was woke up with anxiety over several things going on in my life and lives of those I love. Some of these things are way beyond my pea brain realm of understanding. Then again some of them are so simple the gum on my shoe could have figured it out. Either way they are all equally upsetting to me. What do all these situations have in common? People are hurting and lives are being altered. (Ok people stay with me I don't plan on continuing this depressing ramble for the whole blog.) One thing I am sure in all of these things is God is in control! The song playing endlessly in my mind this morning is Casting Crowns "I will praise you in this storm". I need a reminder to do this constantly! So today I say "rejoice in the Lord always" this control freak is "letting go and letting God" and all the other inspiring quotes you can think of. Does this mean my heart won't still ache for the people that have been hurt of course not. These people are family and "family" to me and I love them and care about them. It does mean I have hope that all things are for a reason and at the end of the day all part of a very perfect plan!

my first attempt at blogging!!!

Well here it goes, I am officially a blogger!!! Like I have said in the title, I truly view my life as an adventure. Those of you that have had the, lets just say pleasure, of knowing me for any amount of time might agree. The Moore's ARE "Murphy's Law"! In my life, I have experienced everything from emu attacks, trucks on fire, driving with the deceased, to the "great flood of '08" and many more things in between. (Don't get me wrong I am far from bragging on my experiences just embracing them.) Well at one point in my life I would have asked God "what was the point of that?" Today I can look back and confidently say its all been to get us to this point (hence the title of my non-existent book "How Did We Get Here"). God has put these things in our life and each had its own lesson that needed to be learned. Why one might ask did God go to such extremes to teach me? Have you met me? I am to say the least a hard headed, a control freak with ADHD. It takes large blinking neon signs to get my attention. God knows this about me and has seen fit to apply extreme tactics to guide this child of His! So what does all this mean for my life today you ask? Well I can only hope that maybe I have grown in my relationship with my Father enough to listen a little closer to his "Godly GPS" or who knows maybe more extreme lessons are to come. Either way, this life is an adventure and I want to just hang on for the ride and let God take me where I need to be!